Saturday, March 5, 2011

I Was Having a Panic Attack in This Video

I stumbled across this incidental YouTube footage of a show we did in NYC at the Knitting Factory in 2006 while touring in support of Minuteman for the Moment. Ironically, I remember this exact moment well. The Soiree has quite a few sustained screams and little room for breathing in the vocal delivery. We had just finished being benched for two weeks by a catalytic converter malfunction that cost us $2000. We were on our way to join Ion Dissonance and The Classic Struggle for a tour.

Little did I know at the time, the stress from the recent complications had driven me to suffer from lots of what I know now to be icepick headaches. These medical wonders basically feel exactly like they sound -- they are sharp, stabbing pains in the head that last around 5 to 30 seconds and end. They were happening to me around 10 or 12 times a day without warning, and the northeastern weather was sub-zero, so I couldn't escape the loud venues for any length of time by going on a walk outside.

Unfortunately, at this particular moment I was unaware of the medical condition and simply began to believe that I was having aneurysms. Frequent panic attacks were plaguing me until I did enough research to realize that the condition exists and that I was not suffering from a serious neurological disorder.

The ironic thing about this particular footage is that I recall with certainty that I was in the midst of a severe panic attack at this exact moment of the song. Finding it online later, neatly recorded only at the time in which I was suffering so, is interesting to say the least.

Anyhow, I specifically remember thinking (during that very footage) that I screamed so hard that I was certain to trigger whatever aneurysm I had coming.

It turns out that I was just having headaches from stress. I'm sure the constant screaming contributed as well, but I do that all the time, and it's a net positive for my health in my view. It's nice to be able to let loose primal screams all the time. Most corporate cubicle prisoners never get the chance to wretch out their anxieties in a banshee howl multiple times a week; I'm blessed in that sense.

Regardless, this video is funny to me in that it is a horrible moment from life that, in retrospect, seems silly. It's so strange that this fan chose this exact moment to push record. Perspective is everything.

Et Cetera

We recently stumbled on the lost studio footage of the making of Minuteman for the Moment and more from our last tour which will make it online shortly. Additionally, I wrote a blog for gazzmic called Fan Ethics: When Gas Prices Rise, Support Touring Bands.

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